Of Flowers, Books and Dreams

At 10, I dreamt of becoming a medicine man,

            A doctor, who heals the sick and extend a lifespan.

At 16, I dreamt of getting away

            To a far-off land so I can sway and play.

At 20, I wanted to grow up

            So I can finally chase my dreams and setup.

At 30, I know I’ve grown up somehow.

I have my Paul, my Phoebe and my Emar, too.

They are the dreams I’ve chased in my here and now;

The ones I’ve swayed and played with, my little crew.

I may not be able to extend a life or heal the sick.

I can, however, soothe their hurts with my “magic” stick.

Last night, I dreamt of flowers and books.

            One a creation of Him, the other a product of man’s outlooks.

At 40, I’d want to switch careers and be a florist,

            Or the keeper of good books set-up in a forest.

I’ve come to adore flowers, arranging them in a so-so manner.

I’ve always loved books, passing this passion on to my Paul, my Phoebe.

They are new dreams I want to chase, as the family’s chronic planner;

And as I travel to far-off places with my Paul, my Phoebe, my Emar in a jiffy.

Here are the flowers I arranged last night when we got home after a long day in Ormoc. Aren't they beautiful? Flowers remind me that there is beauty in colors, in a life wildly lived  - not well-arranged, not structured. Just is.

To our 7-year old Phoebe

Dear Gwapa / Little Girl / Phoebe Dawn…

Depending on both our moods, I would call you in any one of these terms of endearment that I have for you little girl. You make me so happy and so worried all at the same time.

Happy, because I see so much of me and of Papa Emar in you. You are feisty, head-strong, independent, intelligent, funny, organized, artsy, protective of your Kuya Paul, impatient, “sungugan” and tall like Papa, pretty, “maarte” all rolled into one bundle of energy trapped in that supermodel-built body that you possess Phoebe Dawn.

This worries me because I don’t think you’ll ever be fat again with “lugaw” as your favorite meal. You were once a “chubby” baby. When will you eat rice and “sud-an” gwapa? You eat almost everything except at meal times, you would only eat “lugaw”.

Never mind. We can’t force you. You’ll get there in due time; and we hope quite soon. This brings me to my first LIFE lesson for you, that is, to be mindful that you cannot change the people surrounding you – even loved ones dear to you. You can only change yourself and at your own pace, too. Accept this reality and you’ll be at peace.

At six-turning-seven years old, you love expressing your “true” self and I love that about you. You draw, sing, dance and play like you just don’t care. Don’t ever lose this part of you, Phoebe Dawn. This is your second LIFE lesson. Be true to yourself, to your principles, to what you believe is just and right and live a guilt-free, much happier life. No regrets!

You want to be a nurse because you think your Kuya Paul is going to be a doctor (which I’m not sure is happening anymore, as he wants to be an “author based in Canada”) and you’ll like him to get you as his nurse. When I first heard this from you, it made my heart swell a thousand times over. Please remember this third LIFE lesson, that is, to love and cherish your family. Because when Mama and Papa are gone, you’ll only have your Kuya Paul. Respect and care for each other, no matter the circumstance.

As I write this blog (and love letter for you little girl), you are four days’ shy from celebrating your seventh birthday. I still cannot believe I was able to raise you and raise you well in the past seven years. I did not plan my life, as should be. I ran wherever the wind took me. The wind, fickle as women, took me to your Papa Emar and that’s when I truly started planning. This is the fourth LIFE lesson gwapa. Plan ahead BUT dream big and be flexible. Don’t let the critics get to you. Move forward, follow your plan or take a detour. Whatever it is that will give your life meaning, value and purpose, go ahead! Just do it.

You might think I’m writing this too early in time. You’re only seven. You wouldn’t understand what I’m blabbing about here. Guess, I’m hoping that someday you will. You see, I learned these LIFE lessons while living, experiencing life and I don’t want you to commit the same mistakes I did. But as I write this, I realized that I cannot prevent that from happening really. We’ve all got free will. This is the fifth LIFE lesson little girl. To know that you always have a choice. You can even choose to ignore the lessons I’ve written here and come up with your own as you go through living, experiencing YOUR life (still hoping you’d find this valuable though). Choose what’s best for you. Choose good. Choose kindness.

Kindness… This brings me to my sixth LIFE lesson for you, Phoebe Dawn. Always be kind. You can never go wrong with kindness. Be kind to your brother, to your neighbors, to your friends, teachers and classmates, to community workers, to strangers.

When I got pregnant with you, Papa and I chose carefully the names we were about to give you. We wanted you to have a beautiful name, one that you can be proud of, one that you can use to change the world – or at least make it a better place to live in.

Phoebe is a name found in the Bible, a woman who fervently served God through Apostle Paul in his Epistle to the Romans, verses 16:1-2. It means, “bright and shining”. Of course, we paired it with Dawn, which means “Aurora, the first appearance of daylight or daybreak”.

You are our “bright and shining Aurora”, Phoebe Dawn, and may you bring that sunshine to others as well. Serve others. Pray “that God may plant in your heart His purpose for you”. Find your purpose little girl and spread that sunshine.

This should serve as your seventh lesson, befitting of your upcoming seventh birthday on February 16, 2017.

Happiest birthday Gwapa / Little Girl / Phoebe Dawn!

Love lots,

Mama Jima