He is now officially a teenager!
When I got pregnant with Paul, my first-born, I did not look farther into the future. I savored every moment with him in my tummy, holed up in my little body.
Kuya Paul, mind you, I relished every kick from you, every waking moment of discomfort, every haplas, and the hands of your Papa slowly massaging my back as it was aching. I did not mind the frequent UTI attacks, the hormonal changes, the skin discoloration, the need to pee every waking moment and even while asleep, the need to eat oranges, the bloating, the water retention, and, I will never forget, how difficult it was to navigate the walkways with a stomach that was ahead of me 24/7.
It felt like forever.
Finally, after nine months of all these and more, you came out --- all smiles. Just kidding. You were crying and you didn't care who heard you. I didn't care, too. I knew deep in my heart that all you wanted was for me to hear you. You seem to be missing something at the time. A heartbeat. This familiar sound you no longer hear, therefore, you scream --- loud and clear.
Then, you were placed beside me; and was once again comforted. My heartbeat, all along, was what you wanted. This familiar sound you no longer hear.
Now, the tables have been turned. You no longer seek my heartbeat. I seek yours --- every waking moment.
I hear you Kuya Paul. I hear you loud and clear. My ever dearest, wonderful, magical, creative 13-year-old, I hear every beat of your heart --- again, loud and clear.
It is a beautiful beat. A mixture of so and so. It is a symphony of the good, the bad, and the in-between.
I cannot remember when this yearning to listen to your heartbeat started; but I know the need will never cease. As long as I am around, looking over your shoulder, I shall want to listen to your heart's every beat --- needs and wants.
You are a source of inspiration, my Paul Daniel. You have made me believe in magic and using one's imagination once again. You are weird and unique. And it used to be not fine, but, after getting to know you, I realized that it is perfectly alright to be weird and unique --- to be a non-conformist.
Heck, the world already has too many copycats!
Now, that you are 13, the urge to reminisce kicked in. I am transported to when I turned 13 years old. I remember it was a Black Saturday. I remember we celebrated my birthday in BBR or Bantigue Beach Resort. I remember there was lechon, the main course. I remember having lechon because it was a few days after my Grade 6 graduation; and have I told you I graduated Valedictorian of Ormoc City Central School's Class of 1996? I did.
Thus, the pa-lechon of Mama and Papa. I remember how it was such a happy time. And how I was looking forward to my teenage years and how I wanted it to be as meaningful, as purposeful, and as memorable.
I want you to have the same memorable experience Kuya Paul. I want you to be able to make full use of your teenage years --- filled with the good, the bad and the in-between.
- I dream you get to experience Algebra, Geometry, Trigonometry and all the other high school Math subjects; and not dread the classes and quizzes. Math is fun, if you allow yourself to embrace it.
- I dream you get to read Florante at Laura, Noli Me Tangere and El Filibusterismo, as should be, from a book, front cover to back cover; and enjoy it in the process. Reading these literary classics will make you want to believe in the Philippines again and its potential.
- I dream you get to love high school English and Literature. Please continue reading. Read as much as you want, as much as you can. It will make you want to go places. Secondly, it'll improve your vocabulary, spelling skills and grammar.
- I dream you get to memorize the Periodic Table of Elements without batting an eyelash. All for the love of Chemistry. I do hope, too, that your Physics class happens in the morning; because when I was in high school, the pendulum looked too mesmerizing at 1:00 in the afternoon. It made me want to go get an afternoon nap; and so, I never did get Physics. The teacher though I adored. He made Physics fun and applicable in real-world setting. No wonder I passed!
- I dream further that Biology opens your eyes; and hopefully, would make you want to be a doctor someday. My secret dream for you, not that I am pushing you or anything to do what I want you (secretly) to become. For now, you tell me you want to be an artist; tomorrow, a cartoonist; and the next day, a book publisher; and I oblige unwillingly.
- I dream you get to go to the beach with your friends, without Mama and Papa looking after you. No worries. You are a trained and skilled swimmer so I know you'll do just fine.
- I dream you get to have your first, second or maybe third dances; and be able to have a great time at high school prom. I cannot wait to dress you up!
- I dream you get to experience CAT; and be an officer, if this isn't too much to ask. You'll learn discipline and courage, in the process. I just know it, you will.
- I dream for you not to be taller, but while in high school, be able to stand tall and proud of the good values you hold on to; and that in times of adversity and difficulties, you would not throw away immediately or give up your life principles.
High school will test and tempt you, my Paul Daniel, but if you are grounded, rooted in Godly values, you will not easily falter. You will make mistakes. Yes. I did not say you will not.
But my dream for you is that, despite the mistakes, you own up, apologize, get up and move forward.
Believe me, your high school experiences, despite what some people say to be shallow, shall prepare you for the more difficult college life and work-life ahead of you and your classmates.
So have fun, learn, make mistakes, be a teenager, but please no dramas, no screaming. I will know when being a teenager or high school becomes too much for you. I am your Mama; and I shall continue to listen to the beating of your heart --- its every want, its every need.
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| My one-year old Paul Daniel during mine and Emar's church wedding way back December 21, 2007. |
