Let love lead the way

"FOR I KNOW the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV)

I have not written in a long time. A year to be exact.
And as I write this, there is that dreaded feeling, lurking within me, at the back of my head, a kind of fear... that I might not be able to finish this piece again.

Fears. They have been aplenty lately. In 2018, to be specific.
Fear of change. Fear of losing a lifestyle. Fear of losing your one true love.

I have not written in awhile. I ain't sure why, really. 
Maybe, inspiration has not struck. Writer's block, perhaps. Or I simply did not have the time, nor energy.

God only knows; but this afternoon, after waking up from a 15-minute nap, I just had the strangest feeling to get down and write... to allow the words to flow out of my heart, out of my being.

What is it that I wanted to say, again? I ask my heart. I joggle my brain. I wriggled my fingers, commanding them to type, type, type.

2018: I opened a bookshop
2018 redefined me, transformed me, allowed me to grow... in many ways than one. I wish to think I grew up for the better. I hope I was transformed and became a better version of my 2017 self... and the many selves before that. 

I used to be selfish. Now, looking back, my 2018 experiences stripped me of that. I now no longer take what isn't mine or assert with earth-shaking persistence what should be mine. I realized that it is better to give than to receive. So, I gave and gave in 2018.

First, I opened a bookshop and shared a part of myself to the world, well in Ormoc, at least. I shared my love for books and reading. Specifically books written and illustrated by Filipinos, and published by Philippine publishing houses. It is my hope that children of this generation would once again appreciate a good book... made by our own, for our own.

Despite fears of economic losses and not being able to pay the loan I took out to put up the bookshop, I pushed through. We all know bookshops aren't as profitable as they used to be, most especially that I carry mostly Filipino authors. 

Children, teens and even adult readers, nowadays, no longer patronize Philippine-published books. I, myself, am guilty of this; but believe you me, you would be amazed at the wide array of well-written, impeccably-edited books from Filipino authors that are just waiting to be marketed or to be placed in bookshops - both small and independent or big and established.

I discovered this while applying to be a reseller of publishing houses based in the Philippines. They sent me catalogs after catalogs and it blew my mind. I wanted them all - all these books listed - in my bookshop, on my bookshelves!

But my funds were limited so I needed to choose. I gave way to selflessness again. Stripped again of selfishness... of the need to choose that which could be mine.

I needed to choose which books, therefore, would benefit my young readers, which books I would want my kids to read themselves, and which books would best inspire or motivate my clientele, who come from all ages, from all walks of my life.

Finally, for economic sustainability, I had to share my bookshop space with a few school and office supplies; and invested as well in a few original Ormoc pieces - souvenir items for tourists who might come by the bookshop. Yet, first and foremost, my bookshop is for my books.

2018: I joined a faith community
I have now come to believe that truly God always finds a way for lost sheep like myself to be found.

Back when I was younger, I was always drawn to faith groups, Christian fellowship organizations and the likes. It is as if built inside this fragile heart of mine is some sort of magnet, that would literally activate when the going gets tough and the road ahead becomes rough.

My parents broke up in 2018 after 37 years of marriage. Who would have thought. But this story is not mine to tell. It is theirs. 

But, nonetheless, it was not easy to take in and swallow, like a bitter pill that's supposed to make you better, as a result. So, my now Servants of the Living God (SLG) family, without probably them knowing, came to the rescue.

I took their having me as a sign that there is a lot of love going around still, despite the darkness that surrounded me at the time, despite the desperation, the frustration... even the hatred. God proved to me over and over again in my 35 years of existence that He was a God of love and would never abandon me.

But I also had my husband, of course, who loved me and has been (and will always be) my sounding board all throughout our 14 years together; but the SLG community served for me a different purpose and which gave me a different perspective when it came to my faith.

2018: I met my soulmates in the literary arts
I dream of writing and publishing my own book one day. I share this dream with my husband, who has never lack in support and who even paid for a 6-month online writing workshop, which was supposed to end with a published book... but never happened because of too many excuses.

I know in my heart this book-publishing dream of mine is happening. I just know it; and a favorite Bible verse proves this to be so: "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens..." (Ecclesiastes 3 NIV).

And I know my soulmates in the literary arts in the persons of An Margaret, Jessa, Camille and Sir Carl believe this to be so, as well. I would never, in a thousand years, have guessed that I would be friends with these amazing and talented personalities!

But I am grateful the universe found a way for us to meet so, together, we share to the world (but let's start in Ormoc first) our love for the written word; and, ehem, hopefully, raise and mentor the next generation of literary artists.

2018: LDR mode activated
Yep, I am a millennial; and I know what LDR means. Long Distance Relationship.

My husband and I have never been apart in our 14 years together. But starting 2017, when I moved back to Ormoc to help out in the family's newspaper business, taking with me our two children, LDR mode became activated. 

We only had weekends together, which, thinking about it now, actually managed to bring us closer, as, because of the distance, we set a time every night to talk, as in real talk. We never had the time for this when we were living together in Isabel, Leyte. We were always tired after a full day of work and just wanted to be with our selves - I, either with a book or tutoring the kids, and he, with his PC games and Youtube videos.

But towards the end of 2018, October to be exact, an amazing work opportunity opened up for my husband, which I couldn't say "No" to, as I saw how happy he was and would be, career-wise, if he took it.

Knowing him, it was his "dream" job. So, again, for the nth time in 2018, I gave way to selflessness, gave up selfishness completely and allowed love to lead the way.

The Corinthians knew it best when they declared in 1 Corinthians 13:5: "... it (love) is not self-seeking..."

Merriam-Webster defines "self-seeking" to be: seeking only to further one's own interests. To, literally, be selfish.

2018 taught me many things, threw at me many experiences, knocked me out, made me cry buckets, slowed me down, but it also changed me for the better and stripped me of one ugly quality, that of selfishness. 

But most importantly, it gave me many concrete examples of love, to include that of it not self-seeking, because we all know love is patient, love is kind and etcetera, etcetera, but selfishness?! Time for some self-reflection.

So, bring it on, 2019! 10 more months to go for the Lord's plans for me... plans to prosper me, give me hope and a future! 

FAMILY IS LOVE 💖🙏💝