Birthdays & Self Love / Self-love

I wanted to write something along the lines of: "Hey, I just turned 36... Can't wait for Fabulous 40". But it didn't feel right. It didn't coincide with how I was actually feeling at the moment.

No, I'm not 36 yet. Not just yet. A few days more. On April 6 to be exact.

Yes, I am 35, turning 36 years old; and I could not choose for a better date than the 6th of April.

Birthdays... Why do we always make a fuss out of birthdays? Why does it feel so right to celebrate this one special day from the 364 others?

I always make a fuss out of the birthdays of other people; but would shy away when it came to mine. It just doesn't feel right. Never has. Never will. To me, anyway.

I love showering my loved ones and friends with all the love and attention during their birthdays, special mention to my two kids - Phoebe and Paul - and to my wonderful husband, whom I could not ask for more - Emar. I love the thought of planning and spending for their birthdays.

I love surprising friends. I love seeing people happy and well... surprised!

Guess, the Aries in me, the ever-reliable Aries in me, always has it going, organizing and planning.

But... Who should we actually honor on our birthdays?

These thoughts. These really weird thoughts have been spinning around my most precious head for sometime now, leading to my birthday.

I realized now why I shy away from my own birthday. I realized that it should be my parents whom I should honor on my birthday. Without them, I wouldn't be around, married and making my own babies. Hehe...

Of course, they come next to the ultimate thanksgiving I always have for my God, my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, who not only breathe life into my physical body, but also into my torn and wretched soul.

My parents... My Mama and Papa... I honor them with my very being, with every beating of my heart. They were instruments - tools - destined by my God to mold me, nurture me, and send me out onto the world... for a purpose.

On my 36th year of being (still and well, moving most of the time), Mama and Papa... I honor you for your hardwork, for taking good care of me and my sisters, for the good and the bad memories and experiences. I honor you, because you are my parents; and I am indebted to you, no matter the circumstance now and in the past.

At 36, I want to say that I could not ask for more. But, nope, I won't be the hypocrite. I still want so many... but this is a different story all together.

Self Love. It has only been recently that these words; this English phrase sank in. Self-love.

Millenials define self-love in many ways. YourDictionary.Com defines it as a noun, saying: "... is the belief you hold that you are a valuable and a worthy person."

Its medical definition, meanwhile, according to The American Heritage Dictionary of Medicine states that it is the "instinct or desire to promote one's own well-being; regard for or love of one's self".

Self Love. Would it be selfish of me if I succumb to self-love? It is (almost) my birthday!

If it were any other day, in the past, I would have been quite guilty. But at 35, turning 36, I realized now how important it is, too,...

... to love yourself
... to honor your being
... to listen to the beating of your heart
... to be still and be able to breathe in, breathe out without judgement, without gasping for air
... to pause
... to take in the moment
... to see things from afar, or from a different angle
... to smile without the whys and hows
... to taste all the way to your core
... to touch and to actually feel beyond the surface

Simply, to live in the moment. To not be bothered with the not so necessary things and events in life; and instead celebrate with gusto the ordinary moments --- those that pass us by in the blink of an eye. Yes! Those are the moments that matter.

... hands that clasp together while walking in the mall; or
... a joke that made us laugh with abandon (and fart all at the same time!); or
... a misspelled Valentine's Day card all filled in glitter and glue, all pink and unicorns;
... an email from a sweet 13-year-old boy while in his Computer Class that made you smile; and you wonder all of a sudden how far your child has gone --- he now knows how to email --- and how old you are already!
... the everyday I-LOVE-YOU you receive in SMS form from the husband because, for now, you can't be together in one island;
... or the funny group chats you have from time to time with friends in the here and now, or those you have come across and interacted with in the past.

Self-Love. It is recognizing your worth. It is acknowledging your preciousness. Because I am precious. I am valuable. I am a child of God. And I know in my heart that before I am able to give love, to love, or be loved, I would need firstly to love myself --- to know my worth, how precious I am; and how I need to take care of myself as well because only then can I take care of my loved ones, or serve God, for that matter.

Matthew 6:22-23 says: "The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are unhealthy, your whole body will be full of darkness, how great is that darkness!"

So at 35-turning-36, I give in to self-love, if only to honor my body and my well-being; because my parents made sure to nurture me despite the hardships, and my God made certain to create me at the time He destined it so.

Birthdays. Self-Love. Celebrations. Moments. Life.
I take it all in: free of guilt, free of assumptions, free of judgement.